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Although marital conflict and the experience of strong emotions is unavoidable, healthy marital communication requires that husbands and wives recognize when their communication has broken down, and apply emotional and conversational boundaries serving to help them remain calm when navigating important issues in their relationship. Let’s take a few moments to consider steps couples can take to help have calm and constructive communication.
Being a mental health practitioner has given me the opportunity to hear many personal stories from individuals, couples, and families regarding life in the age of the COVID pandemic. These important stories reflect the various fears, struggles, and concerns regarding the virus itself, while shedding light on how people have been impacted by the way the pandemic has been handled socially and politically. This article examines this latter notion by considering the distinction between care and coercion.
Ever since the inception of the early church, fervent efforts have been made to preserve the Gospel message from doctrines or heresies challenging and contradicting the truth found therein. The apostle Paul was ardent in such efforts, and clearly articulated his views on the matter in his letter to the church at Galatia…
Humankind has sought, and will always seek, to use fear and darkness to its advantage. This is because fear and darkness pervade every heart. Certain souls seek to escape its grasp, then turn their energies toward helping others acquire freedom. Others revel in it, while some go further, wielding it to obtain positions of power and success, and to create structures in society reflective of the evil which lies in their heart. This latter element of humankind is willing to accomplish its desired ends at the expense of others.
The reality of our human condition is embedded imperfection, the presence of sin, and the inevitability of facing various disappointments in life. Such disappointments often register at a deep emotional level…and can send us spiraling into places of guilt, self-loathing, despondency, and depression if not managed carefully.
It is the easiest thing in the world to point fingers at our spouse, and to blame them for the inadequacies and issues experienced in our marriage. We may occasionally feel justified in doing so, and even believe that criticizing them will somehow bring about the changes we desire in our relationship. But the reality is that pointing fingers is rarely ever the precipitator of change in any marriage, and if we really desire to see change occur, we’ll begin by judging ourselves and facing the realities of our heart.
One cannot peruse the biblical narrative of Jeremiah without recognizing his dedication to declare “the word of the Lord,” in spite of the associated emotional burden, and the personal and political risks that would follow. His example stands in sharp contrast to the blatantly false doctrines promulgated by many prominent ministers and ministries in our nation. They have traded the proclamation of truth for popularity, chosen demagoguery over discipleship, and led the church toward the pursuit of riches instead of righteousness.
On May 25th, 2020 our world witnessed the blatant and unnecessary killing of George Floyd in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The images of his death are disturbing and haunting. A white police officer purposefully places pressure with his knee on the neck of an already subdued black man for an unconscionable period of time until his life flows out of him. After Floyd becomes wholly unresponsive, the pressure with the knee remains, carrying forward an act of unmitigated brutality.
The process of change in heart of any man begins with humility and a willingness to seek help from others. It’s how we develop and mature in the process of reaching our full potential in all areas of life. Both elements are essential in this regard, however men will often shy away from them because they challenge what we’ve been taught about masculinity, either by our families or the broader culture (i.e., vulnerability is a form of weakness; men have to be strong, independent, emotionless and aggressive).
Marriages are built on a foundation of trust, however time is the structure by which marital bonds are formed. Consider the earliest periods of a relationship where two individuals, driven by the power of attraction and adventure, ultimately prove their commitment, dedication and devotion to one another by their prioritization of time together. They make the time necessary to discuss their day, share their feelings for each other, and engage in fun and romantic activities. I call these initial attempts at bonding the “first things.”
Couples who enter premarital counseling do something remarkable. They reinforce their level of commitment to one another, while helping lay a solid foundation for a marriage that will last over the course of time. To be sure, it’s a decision steeped in maturity, which demonstrates their willingness to do the hard work needed to have a healthy relationship moving forward.
Healthy marriages don’t just happen. They’re the outcome of principles spouses have consistently put in place over time. One of these essential principles is making time to communicate and explore what is taking place in their respective hearts and minds. This principle may seem overly simplistic, nevertheless its impact in helping build a vibrant marriage is profound.
