Marriages are built on a foundation of trust, however time is the structure by which marital bonds are formed. Consider the earliest periods of a relationship where two individuals, driven by the power of attraction and adventure, ultimately prove their commitment, dedication and devotion to one another by their prioritization of time together. They make the time necessary to discuss their day, share their feelings for each other, and engage in fun and romantic activities. I call these initial attempts at bonding the “first things.”
Pornography is a bane to any society and it wreaks havoc in the lives of those who turn to it for pleasure and connection, or who seek to escape from the pains of daily life. Once caught in its grasp, getting free can feel like an impossible task, especially when you find yourself battling with it alone, hiding in secrecy and hoping no one will every find out that pornography has become a part of your life.
I know what this sense of impossibility and isolation feels like. I felt it for many years, during my own struggle with pornography.
When married couples argue, it's often a failed attempt at reaching for one another. A primary reason lies in the use of criticism. Husbands and wives may unknowingly assume that pointing out where and how their spouse has failed will somehow lead to a resolution of the core issues they're trying to address, or even bring them closer together somehow. Unfortunately, this approach tends to have the opposite effect.
Pride is one of the greatest hinderances to us recognizing the value of other people. It creates an inner myopia constricting our vision to what we need, desire and believe is important while leading us to believe we have the right to exploit, harm and ignore others to achieve those aims. Moreover, it serves as the basis for justifying our actions, however destructive they may be, as being moral, legal, healthy and right.
Many individuals desire to break patterns of pornography use in their lives, however they are often uncertain how to begin that process. This article addresses how vulnerability can be a powerful first step in this regard, while also addressing how one's Christian faith can help them navigate through a culture saturated with pornographic content.